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Some couples also find that masturbating together is arousing and a beneficial way to learn about each other’s bodies. Don’t fake it https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/all-about-communication/talking-your-partner-about-sex No one’s sex life remains static. In the early stages of your relationship, you may have sex several times a day or week. Later on, how often you have sex may lessen for many reasons, including the addition of children into your lives, stress, and scheduling. Sometimes it can feel difficult, but talking to your partner about sex is an investment in your relationship. Here are ways for speaking effectively: Be open to each other’s ideas. Be willing to compromise on them, too, so that both of you feel heard and get what you need.

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Schedule time in advance to talk about sex. By putting this conversation on your agenda, you eliminate the possibility that this talk will arise out of anger or frustration. You may want to avoid hurting your partner’s feelings. You may also just want to get it over with if you’re exhausted or can’t shut off your mind. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/does-frequent-ejaculation-help-ward-off-prostate-cancer-20090929112Scheduling sex also reduces the fear of having one of you repeatedly turn down the other when not in the mood. Set the stage all day But this can be detrimental to both your intimacy and ability to improve on your sexual encounters together. Miller SA, et al. (2004). Actual and desired duration of foreplay and intercourse: Discordance and misperceptions within heterosexual couples. Flynn KE, et al. (2016). Sexual satisfaction and the importance of sexual health to quality of life throughout the life course of US adults. DOI: Meltzer AL, et al. (2017). Quantifying the sexual afterglow: The lingering benefits of sex and their implications for pair-bonded relationships. DOI:

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This type of intimacy is important for your relationship and for each other’s self-esteem. It also helps set the stage for better, more connected sex in the future. Get in sync about timing Edgy or kinky sex isn’t, however, the key to a happy sex life. Mixing it up can be as simple as wearing different types of clothing or choosing new locations to have sex. Nagao K, et al. (2014). Gaps between actual and desired sex life: Web survey of 5,665 Japanese women. DOI: Liu H, et al. (2016). Is sex good for your health? A national study on partnered sexuality and cardiovascular risk among older men and women. DOI:

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There’s a vast array of sexual activities you may explore as a couple, provided that both of you are comfortable. These can include everything from the use of toys and erotica to bondage sex, tantric sex, and more. Make suggestions to your partner about what you would like. Positive suggestions often work better instead of complaining about the things they’re already doing or not doing. Talking, cuddling, or holding each other after sex is a way you validate your relationship and let your partner know they’re important to you. Experimenting with masturbation can be a good way for you to learn about what you like and dislike sexually in a safe and comfortable way.

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Changes in hormonal levels can include reductions in testosterone production. This can reduce sexual desire and cause erectile dysfunction. Be honest about what you want. However, don’t talk your partner into anything they’re not comfortable trying. Also don’t allow your partner to do the same to you.

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In movies, two people may eye each other across a crowded room and be ready for sex with nothing more than one hurried, albeit passionate, kiss.

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If you’re angry at your partner, find healthy ways to work out that emotion and to let it go. This may be as simple a fix as talking over situations as they arise that upset you. Healthline has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical associations. We avoid using tertiary references. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy. Discuss what’s working and what’s not. Many problems that couples experience in the bedroom can be rectified by talking it out. Find ways to compromise so you both feel safe and heard. It’s important that you establish a schedule you both agree to. This may require reprioritizing other tasks in your life and setting them aside for each other. It may also require compromise if one of you wishes to have sex more often than the other.

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Build up your own sense of anticipation and arousal by letting your mind wander to the night’s forthcoming activities, too. Experiment Anger is a normal part of life. Sometimes people even have angry sex. But unmanaged anger can squelch sexual desire, trust, and connectivity. It can be hard to feel tender, loving, or sexual toward someone you’re angry at. Libido also changes over time. Scheduling sex may sound like a turnoff, but for many couples, it sets a framework they can count on and look forward to. Schmiedeberg C, et al. (2017). The more or the better? How sex contributes to life satisfaction. DOI: